At this moment in time I cant even dream of falling a sleep. Want to know why? Well me too. Could it be tomorrow morning banging in my head or is it still today thats troubeling my sleep. Is it the old country or the new one. Here or there. Or just home? Is it has to do with being a father or does it have to do with being out of work?
At this moment in time I have no idea whats bugging me and I guess thats why its bugging me.
Being awake, alone in the night is very different here then in tel aviv. Tel aviv would be noisy even now at around 4 in the morning. In tel aviv there's always a place you can go to. Drink your self in to tomorrow, talk to someone.
Den haag is different. Its quite, its sleepy and dark and cold. But den haag was my choise, israel was where I was born. Im chosing to live in a quite place and dark and cold, and choises we make are thicker then homesicknes, I hope.
Tomorrow morning is garbage day in my street and im happy and nervous about that for sure. I think the mouse is allso very nervous, a lot of is food would go down tomorrow to the pavement, waiting for the wonderfull pepole who pick it up and throw it in the truck. The mouse must think very bad things about these pepole, if he knows of there existens.
I wish there would at list be some tram noise or something. This kind of noise that Im earing now is just not doing it to me. The noise of empty darkness, the noise of allmost no one in the street, the noise of all these normall pepole sleeping, being very quite.
And then you ask your self what about tomorrow? Would I look reasonable? Not that I usually do, but tomorrow I have to take my son to school and we cant have any one thinking what a weird immigrant family we are. Tomorrow morning in just three and a half hours I would have to look dutch. Not that I can, not that I should, but I would, try at least.
Il tell you one thing for sure, the coffee that I will use would not be dutch, it would be Lebanese. Lebanese coffee makes me excited. It makes me home sick but also proves to be a strong anti homesickness drug. We cant get any thing from lebanon in israel. We cant even go there. I know the two countries are officially at war but thats just fucking weird. All borders are weird. And yet im not just trying to be here in the new country. Im trying to cross the border.
The border crossing that would make me feel at home and make pepole here think of me as one of theres. The border the immigrant family is crossing when they cross the river. And dont tell me you dont know that joke. Borders are stupid because there is no real reason why the borders of any country should look like they do. Its all painted with the blood of soldiers. Its all just a table game map, and we are the tools.
And this tool cant sleep tonight. Infect, that's it I wont sleep tonight for sure. The morning is coming anyway. Soon, the school gate would open and I shell walk again with my son inside the brown building full of rooms. No one would realy look at me but I would feel there eyes. Some would ask them selfs who I am? Where im from? Maybe one or two would think im Muslim. It all depends if im shaved or not. The man who always tell me how I look like are the baggers in the center. When im tip top they would speak english and sometimes try to say something like “im an american” and if I have a beard they would say “salam aalekom”.
I think its great. In the old country I once tried realy hard to look like an arab. A friend of mine had to get his car fixed in an arab village and I had to take him and bring back the old car. Now the old car was looking like a stereotype on wheels, it was the brand, the decoration and the loud arabic music coming out of the speakers. I could do it no problem. I like the cd that was on, I made it just a litel louder, rolled the window down and drove in to the police cheek point.
Nothing. Not even a stop sign with the hands. Not even to cheak my I.d. I was so jewish looking there, that no props could help.
Here I get salam alekom in the street from white dutch guys. The teacher at the inburgering said it would take 5 years to be legally dutch. I dont care I can wait. It took me much longer to be considered Arab.
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